A lot of people misunderstand the concept of forgiveness and think of it as a hard thing, or a noble thing. Nobility has little to do with it. Forgiveness is a wise thing; it’s the winning strategy in a well-played game of life. If you don’t think of it as an obligation but rather a remedy for your own health, you will learn to live free from depression and mental illnesses. “Don’t nurse it or rehearse it ” is one way to put it. Repeating a matter and reliving it in your mind is just downright torture and gives the devil a foothold. A vivid memory in the case of a horrible incident is just what Satan orders to set the table of our life so he can feed you depression and regret regularly. When your brain is on constant replay of a horror film that happened to you it will surely lead to sickness disease and mental illness- even death. Carnal thinking leads to death, spiritual thinking leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6
Another strategy of Satan is to tell you that the person who did this heinous crime doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. Yet that graceless idea will be the decision that tortures you, not the culprit. It’s a trap people fall for and it is quicksand if you step in it.
Another myth about forgiveness is that it’s for the person who did the wrong. Forgiveness is always for the person who was wronged. Forgiving a person even after their death is helpful to you, the victim so do it as soon as possible and even if he or she is passed away.
Fortunately I learned very early that forgiving was a normal Christian habit. I learned as a child to not hold grudges and I think this is the key to my excellent mental health and my ability to counsel and minister to others. It has been a lifestyle for me and I’m now grateful that I learned this principal because it’s kept me in the best of health. I have sad stories to tell, like others, I could dwell on them but I don’t and I’m so much better off for it. As I talk to and counsel depressed, bipolar-schizophrenic people and those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, they have some sad stories. I tell them they don’t have to keep re-experiencing the trauma. Reliving a sad thing is not necessary and you CAN seriously erase the past. How? God gives us the power to forgive, to take our thoughts captive and shrink those painful files in our memory. There is a reset button and a way to be happy. We have a list of healthy activities and a list of things to stop allowing yourself to dwell on. We know that endorphins are God’s gift to our brains. Forgiveness is the first key, even forgiving yourself is necessary. Laughter, creativity such as arts and crafts, and even learning a new thing is great for fighting off PSTD. When I was a mother of five small children and my then husband (I forgive him) was having an affair for the year before our divorce, while I was pregnant at the same time as the other woman, the joy of another child, my youngest, was a blessing at that painful time. She was a joy to all of us aware of the unhappy circumstances. After divorced, I sunk myself into learning and playing chess online as well as getting new pets and helping the children have some fun. And I believe God helped me in those decisions. Instead of alcohol or drugs, I found an addiction to chess got my mind off the horrible thoughts I was trying to avoid. Working out, learning to crochet, some people read books. Choose carefully as video games are a habit that husbands and depressed children often escape to, creating an anti-social problem for the family. But being alone with thoughts is not good. After the death of a loved one, so many people get on prescription drugs or heroine now. Drugs and alcohol habits are just a death wish. Choose something positive to learn.
I’ve had to use the weapon of forgiveness more than I can even recall throughout my life and now I’m realizing how big a deal it is. The habit of forgiveness is a huge thing to pass on to children and grandchildren. I see how holding grudges harms people by causing actual toxic thinking. Doctor Caroline Leaf explains that God designed our brains for love and laughter being healthy for us while hate, resentment, fear and other pain-filled memories are dripping toxins into us. The exciting thing is finding out that if you choose to think on good things (Phil 4:8) this creates endorphins dripping actually on the “black” painful memory files or branches of your brain, shrinking them! Erasing files!
In explaining the art of forgiveness to someone, for example, I compare notes with their life and mine. A person I know has constant reminders of sad stories playing in her head. “Remember when you had pet rabbit that got eaten by the neighbor’s dog?” Remember the time you had a special toy that was run over?” “Remember when your favorite doll was thrown away? ” Sad story after sad story keeps you feeling like a victim and makes a perfect cozy resting place for depression. I have sad stories too but I never speak about them unless I want to console with someone who needs to know I understand pain. I help people to see that life can be that way but we can choose to let it go for our own health. When you forgive, the pain is removed and you are able to feel like it happened to someone else.
Getting over trauma can be sooner than you’ve believed. Music, creative thinking, yard work/gardening and other healthy distractions are actually real healing not just pacifiers. If the mental health hospitals realized what I am teaching here, (as well as people like Dr Leaf) they would be teaching forgiveness and there would be more of these remedies inside these rehabs. Please share this information with someone you know! Medication is not a lifetime fix, this is biblical and truly healing.
